Murphy made me his bitch

Murphy and his damn law ate my lunch and dinner today.
It was one thing after another after another horrible gut wrenching thing today.
It started this morning: lemme lay it down for ya:
1. Went to get my gym bag from my car to find a bottle of tea in a glass container had exploded everywhere – thus creating a huge amount of glass shards in my favorite gym bag. Hmm, how to clean that early in the morning as my ride waited for me in the driveway – nope not gonna happen. So I run down the hall to get my back up bag – crisis averted.
2. As I was running down the hall, I step in fresh cat puke. Mmmm, it’s warm. And it squishes everywhere and sticks the bottom of my leather dress shoe – yippy. I run outside and wipe my nice shoe on the welcome mat trying to extricate the brown mush that was, just moments before, in my cat.
3. At school, something has obviously died in the heating vent above my desk, and every time the heat flares and blows on me, a monstrous whiff of dead animal floats to my nostrils and assails my sensibilities. The constant spraying of Lysol isn’t even enough to hinder the stench from overtaking my senses and producing my automatic gag reaction for an hour straight.
4. Right before lunch, one enterprising student thought it funny to bash two other students’ heads together – creating a need for me dive headfirst into enough paperwork that even the best office space geek would drown.
5. At lunch, my microwavable tomato soup explodes in the mircrowave. I gotta clean that up – there goes my 20 minutes for lunch and my bathroom break. Ugh.
6. Fifth period, we have a fire drill and the kids are in the middle of a big test. I’m already testy (see above) and exclaim way too loudly – SHIT. The kids all start doing the “oohhhh” chorus and then as soon as we get outside precede to tell the rest of the team, teacher said shit. I’ll get phone calls on that one.
7. I ride to work with my ex, and arrange another ride home because I feel I’m a burden to him because I know he prefers to hang with his new girlfriend, my former best friend. I have a deep-seated soul hatred for her, and he isn’t far behind. So when I tell him I have another ride, he dares to snap at me that “we’re not playing those games.” Excuse me? You’ve been screwing me over with your games for the last three months.
8. After a craptastic day I stop at Starbucks to get a jolt of caffeine to make it through the rest of the night. I sit in the big beige chair to watch some news and sit the coffee next to me on the cats’ climbing toy (you see where this is going?) the cat decides to jump on his toy at the same time – spraying me and the chair in black coffee – that shit stains.
9. Frustrated, I think, hey a nap. Yes, let’s bring this day to a quick end. So I sleep for a few hours, and the phone wakes me, it’s my mother and I happen to glance at the clock 640. I freak, thinking I’m late for school, obviously I’m outta it, so I shower and start getting ready when it hits me – Uh Friday night, not morning.
10. My computer takes a crap. Almost literally. Some about.com crap fills my screen about a thousand times. I’m ready to hurl the laptop through a window.
Is it Saturday yet?

So here I sit sipping on some red – ready to inhale the bottle in hopes to really pass out and get it to be Saturday – in a hurry. Three hours left to go – only god knows what hell could happen in that amount of time.