Carving Up the World

Im so sick of snow. It’s snowing again. It was in the 60s on Saturday and now it’s snowing again. UGH! I don’t care if it’s winter or not. Darn it. I want spring here – now.
On a good note, I was voted President of the world. It’s good to be President of the World. My first move is to begin carving up the world into different territories. The way it stands now, there are way too many random countries hangout around in the world. Life would be easier if I were to split my kingdom, oops, Presidency, over a smaller area – thus eliminating the need for dealing with so many different countries and languages and ideological systems. I will keep it to a bare minimum, mainly based on geography and the ability to defend the territory from rogue wanna-be Presidents, who would be lacking in all my wonderful characteristics.
So the geography of the world. No prob. I got this. First, America, Canada and Mexico would be merged into one mass super-power country named Camico. This would be where I live – so it would be the Most Favored Nation Ever (MFNE). When it’s cold out, I will live on the glistening blue waters of the western Mexico Coast. In the fall, I would hang my hat in the northeast to take full advantage of the foliage, and in the heat of the summer, I think I’d hang out in Vancouver – cuz, well, I wanna, and I’m the President.
Central America – yeah, well, it’ll stay as it is – but I do have plans to enlarge the Panama Canal. Oh, who am I kidding. I’m gonna mini-nuke a waterway from the Pacific to the Atlantic. This is basically my moat to prevent unwanted types from entering Camico and messing up what I’ve created.
South America – I will vacation here based on the whims of my needs. So I will allow them to continue doing what they are currently doing – except for the drug stuff. Yeah, that’s got to stop. After discontinuing the creation of drugs, I want my surfs to be clear headed when they bow to me, the countries will, of course, pay tariffs for being allowed to exist within my world.
Australia – I will kick out anyone daring to harm the great barrier reef and send them with the rest of the criminals to Siberia.
Siberia – Where all the criminals and basically people I don’t like will go. They will be dumped there with one bic each, and that’s it. Oh, and they’re wearing shorts and tee-shirts.
Asia – Nuke it Nuke it Nuke it.
Africa – kill everyone who doesn’t agree with me, mainly the men, and allow the women the power to rule the continent for a while. It can’t hurt anything. Oh, and make sure each person received sufficient amounts of food and water and medicine.
Europe – distribute all the pretentious jerks to Siberia as well, kick out all the French to Asia, and hire some British types to read Shakespeare to me when and where I wanted to hear it.
Russia – Where I shall have my top secret compound guarded by elite troops who shall guard my life without question. I will only be at this location when Europe misbehaves and I want to play golf in Scotland – where I will stay in a well-proportioned and luxurious castle.