Finding my muse

People come in and out of our lives so frequently it’s hard to keep up with who is important and who you can let go into the mist of the past. At the time they all seem significant, but sometimes it’s you who is the one that matters.
You never know the impact you’ll have on a person, or vice versa. Maybe it’ll hit 10, or even 20 years down the road when all is bleak and dawn is far away and you’re in desperate need of something, a little glimmer of inspiration – then something that person said or did pops into your head and there is some light, well enough to get you through what’s hunting you down.
Sometimes, the impact of a person on your life is immediate and visceral and they don’t even know how vital they are to your life. The sad part is most people don’t have the guts or the will to tell the other person what they mean to them. Sometimes humans are too afraid of the emotional fallout of telling someone how they really feel. But what happens when that person leaves; bounces out to another life. You’re left standing in shock, feeling like a part of you has been torn away. And you were too stupid to make that person understood what they did for you.
Yeah, it may or may not be time for them to leave, but they did, and the tears flow, leaving stains on your clothes, cleaning little spots on your laptop keys, and you are a better person having known them. In some cases, that person knew how to push all your buttons and was a muse, or maybe while they were around that person was pushing you to be better, to reach a higher plane of understanding. Or maybe you just needed a shoulder and he/she was there at the right time.
In most cases we get what we need, rarely do we get what we want, and on those very rare occasions we get what we both need and want; even if for a moment in a lifetime. That moment can carry you on for years, and provide a level of comfort when times are bleak or the bullshit piles up.
Then there are the other times when you enter someone’s life. You have no clue why you’re important to them, because, again you don’t get the feedback or information you need to be what that person needs, so you stumble blindly through their life while they want you around hoping you’re feeding them what they want. And when that relationship ends, since you were the one that was needed, the pain may not be as bad. It may not even be more than blip on your radar; but for that person it was the balm needed for the burn or the salve for the gaping wound.
It’s easy to fix non-arterial bleeds – apply a little pressure, a little friendship, some love, and a kiss to make it better. It’s just the puzzle of why that person is there for you or why you’re theirs that tends to bite us in the end, and leaves either the tear stains, smile lines, or a bitter taste in the back of your mouth. I prefer to opt for the tears and smiles; and the rare glimmer of hope that the person who was what you wanted and needed will return one day, and be yours again.