It was hot today. About 95 degrees around 2 p.m. - the same time I went outside to mow the yard. I got up late because I worked about 18 hours the day before. It was at a track meet in the sun (it worked out because my kid is going to the state meet) and was it hot.

But, today I realized, again, I have limitations that I didn't used to have. It's all very depressing to know that 10 years ago the heat wouldn't have matter. In fact, the heat would was always a welcoming thing. I hate being cold. I'm tired of being cold, and I mean that both literally and figuratively. So, i thought, why not? I'll get up and mow the yard today.

I don't know how to use the riding lawn mower, but that's okay because the yard is super hilly and I'd prolly end up rolling the mower anyway. So, I pushed the entire yard - hills, forested area, and even all the stupid poison ivy that grows around the nefarious edges. It was really hot. Did I mention that?

It took way longer than needed to mow the yard. I had to take several breaks during the mowing process in order to stop the whole passing point from heat exhaustion thing. I could feel my skin tingling, the hair on my scalp standing on end, my tongue drying out, my eyesight blurring. Something that would have taken me all of 45 minutes 10 years ago instead took about 2 hours.

The worst part? The rest of my day was shot because my tank was empty - shot. I had nothing left. I took a shower and then crashed on the bed. I was awoken to my cat's furry face resting on my cheek - he apparently was worn out from watching me all day.

I don't want to grow any older without someone else to be here to share life. This alone thing is really really getting old. Too bad I'll never trust anyone enough to allow that to happen.