I want my turn

I absolutely hate coming home to a house that is totally dark after a long ass day. There is nothing to look forward to except a surly cat who wants to rip my eyes out because he's hungry.

What's worse is that I unwrap the nasty sub I had to grab because I didn't eat all day, then sit with the tv as my company as I eat the stupid sub as fast as I can because I don't want to taste it. There isn't anyone around but me. It's the most depressing thing I've been through. I'm busting with tons of news of what happened to me that day, because it was more than a regular day - I had a big track meet, had to walk probably two miles between events, dealt with kids who wanted my attention every second, then had to turn around and deal with kids who just get so frustrated they tell me to go away, my big ass test to determine whether I'll keep my job next year is in two weeks, I have an early meeting in the morning dealing with test crap, the kid I had such a hard time with last year is back and wants to help with practice - so what do I do - there are two outdoor lights that have been burnt out, I'm still waiting to hear from my mortgage company who was supposed to have sent a ton of forms for me to fill out but I'll have to call and ask them to resend, my stupid tonsils are so swollen it's hard to swallow again, and it goes on.

So then it hits me that this is what life will be like. Me, sitting in my house crying because the stress is too much for me to handle, because the person I'm afraid I've come to depend on isn't available. Im not that magnanimous, however, I have to say that everything is fine, do your thing when all I want to say is - nope. I want this to be about me, because it is my turn for it to be about me. I will NOT take a back seat to anything again.

But I don't, and I resent myself for it - again. I really do hate everything about my life, and if I didn't have that stupid ass meeting at 7 a.m. I'd be drunk off my ass in an attempt to forget everything. And now, I'm so upset my nose is all stopped up and I have huge headache from the freakin' crying.