Dear Diary,

Dear Diary:
Hi there. It's been about 20 years since I last wrote in ya. I remember the good ol' days of trying to decipher the looks that erstwhile young fellas would toss my way; or of the excitement of my first kiss. Shame on me for staying away for so long.

Now, I have no clue what to write in you. I could start with the deep and disastrous betrayal my husband committed as he stripped his love from me only to shower it upon my best friend. This all done in front of my eyes with no care for my feelings or life shown by either my spouse or friend.

Or, I could write about how I'm adjust to being alone for the first time in my life. How I bawled like a frightened child in a thunderstorm the first time I had to pay bills by myself. Or the first night I was alone in bed and I heard a strange scraping noise outside my bedroom window, and instead of being brave and checking out the noise, I cowered like a wounded animal on the floor by my bed.

Another thought could be describing to you how I turned to alcohol to erase all my pain. It seemed easier to literally drown all my thoughts and emotions in a bottle of clear, flammable liquid that would send me to a world of dizzying insanity in which I could survive and not realize I still had to breathe. It took a severe night of boozing, and waking up still inebriated on a work day to make me realize that the demons were winning.

Oh, and how about that time my car didn't want to work anymore and I had to dish out $2K to keep it operating.

Another good one - coming to terms with the idea that I'll never have a family. That I won't have the opportunity to have a kid to torment and love or to just meet a really neat human that would be part me and part the guy I want to spend my life with.

And men. Yeah, I can't even gather up enough trust to even think about having a relationship with someone. No matter what the guy would say or do I would always think he was out to get me, to cause me pain, to betray me the first chance he had. So, therefore, there is no point to even seek out a relationship.

Despite all this, dearest diary, I miss hugs. Just the simple touch of a another human who cares for me and who wants me to be happy. I'd love for a guy to just hug me and hold me and not expect or want anything in return.

Yeah, I have no idea where to start. Wish me luck.